This week has been a search and rescue.
The truth is I've had a bit of a wandering heart. I've been afraid to reflect, I've been afraid of what I'll hear. I've been afraid of silence. There are moments where I rush to play something loud,
but the silence beckons me . . .
"let me in."
It was so subtle - not so much accepting the fearful conversation in my head, but definitely not denying it.
Just as quickly as the doubt and questions came, the wave of truth drowned my heart. It was as if a voice said, "Okay. If I can't reach you through your ears, I will try everything else."
I couldn't escape it.
The wind caressed my face.
The sunset forced my eyes closed.
My own laughter stirred up gratitude.
The dreams in my heart- they bloomed ... and I let them!
The undeserving girl pursued by God- we think it's so romantic! And it is ... But there's a romance in the longevity... one that I have underestimated.
The constant pursuit of a person who's heart rejects worth and love.
I search for the big moments, forgetting the beauty and wonder of consistency.
Overlooking the ways I am pursued and known.
But goodness - when the light turns on!
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns. -Psalm 46:5
Jesus is the constant pursuer and love is the same mistake met with the same grace
... Upon grace... upon grace.
The story wasn't over when He said "you" ... and it wasn't over when you said "yes."
The surge of fear isn't worth it. Avoiding the silence does nothing but raise more questions to avoid.
We need to be making the dreams of what will happen inside our hearts bigger than our dreams on earth.
Do you know what that means? - it means we can't be crushed here. It means we get to look at the doubts and reject them. It means we get to enjoy the mundane.
It means we are free to listen without fear.
We don't get to take the world stuff home with us at the end of our life. Will we be walking into the gates holding grace and growth and forgiveness or will be be holding achievements and proving people wrong?
That doesn't mean to let go of your heart's desires- they're so important. But they are not the most important. Let what's happening inside you inform your accomplishments, not the other way around. We weren't promised that we would reach our goal- we actually have to be willing to hear ANYTHING we might hear - including no.
Rescue your dreams by letting them go.
Give them over ... and then chase them down with courage.
I'll always go first to make space for your story.